LGBTQ Couples
LGBTQ couples don’t have an easy path.
Relationships are difficult enough without the added stress of being a gay or lesbian couple in a largely straight society.
Often, there is a lack of support from either family or society. Right? This makes it challenging for you as a gay or lesbian couple to overcome the normal obstacles that most couples encounter.
There are unique issues that our community encounters. It is vital that you have a therapist who gets this. They must understand what it means to be an LGBTQ couple in this world. They must understand the nuances and the unique experiences that many LGBTQ couples have had.
It starts with addressing the trouble spot.
Straight couples don’t have the complexities of when one partner is out and the other is not, especially if it involves difficulties of not being out to your parents.
When the family is not accepting of your relationship, challenges can arise during holidays/celebrations, taking an emotional toll and impacting your relationship.
Blended families when one partner was originally in a straight relationship make interactions difficult. Families are confused and will lean harder on you to ‘confirm’ you want to be in an LGBTQ relationship.
It may be that you are trying to navigate whether you want to have an open relationship. Or you might be dealing with HIV, AIDS, and other substance abuse issues and how they can impact a relationship.
You may be dealing with internalized homophobia, trauma, depression, or a lack of sexual intimacy.
Whatever the trouble spot, we can work through this together.
Stop arguing and bond again.
If you are a couple that finds yourselves arguing over the same things or if you feel distant, I can help.
We will work together to help you both by working to strengthen your attachment bonds to one another. When you develop strong attachment bonds, you will feel securely connected, safe together, and as a result, you will become more flexible in problem-solving, improve communication, and move away from recurring arguments that create distance.
Don’t wait – I can help!
I am suited to help LGBTQ couples with their unique relationship issues. I have the experience and knowledge to help remedy some of the major trouble spots that are unique to many LGBTQ couples.
Relationship Issues: a NO BLAME approach
If you keep doing what you’ve been doing, things will continue. The pain can only become greater for one or both of you.
In some cases the anger will become more pronounced to the point of screaming vicious words at each other. Withdrawal is another scenario that is just as dangerous to the health of your relationship.
The average couple takes four years to come into therapy for problems, and for some that is just too little too late.
But, if you are reading this, that does not have to be your relationship destiny.
No one is to blame
My approach assumes there is no such thing as, “This is her/his problem; not mine.” When couples say this, I know that they are struggling with the fact that their relationship is falling apart.
It’s too difficult to think they may have a part in what is happening. But it is not you or your significant other who is to blame; it is your own unique negative cycle as a couple that causes so much pain.
You will walk away understanding (at least at an intellectual level), why this is the case.
So, who or what is to blame?
As mentioned before, it is your own personal and unique negative cycle as a couple that is to blame. What I do is help you see how each of you participates in perpetuating this cycle.
As a very simple example, think about this: your partner is yelling at you again, and this is the third time this week they seem to be getting upset about something simple and small. You can’t figure out what is going on, so you begin to withdraw from your partner, not wanting to get in their crosshairs. But, the more you withdraw, it triggers a certain response from your partner that causes them to attack you more and nitpick about seemingly insignificant things.
Before you know it, weeks or even months have gone by, and you have moved further and further apart. THIS IS THEIR NEGATIVE CYCLE IN ACTION.
I will help you IDENTIFY YOURS right away. I will help you in the safety and security of our sessions together to make the changes you need to conquer it. And as you grow together, you will begin to defeat this cycle on your own. This aspect of recovery in your relationship is pivotal; it is what has to be broken to have a loving, connected, and intimate relationship with your partner.
There is good news!
SO, here is the good news! My approach to 
couples therapy is based on a model of therapy called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT). EFT is usually a short-term (10-20 sessions), structured approach.
A substantial body of research outlining the effectiveness of this approach now exists, and this is exciting news. There is HOPE. Using this method, I have helped countless couples get back to their loving feelings, to be connected, to be secure and happy in their relationship.
Our work together can break the negative cycle. And if it creeps up again, you will now have the skills and tools to get through those moments and find each other once again.
You can finally feel heard and understood by your partner.
Here’s what to expect.
For the first session, I ask that you arrive early (15 minutes) to complete some basic paperwork.
Then, we will meet, and I will ask some assessment questions. Both you and your partner will be given a questionnaire to be completed at home.
For the second and third sessions, I will meet with each partner individually to learn about your perspective on the issues you are facing.
If these goals sound like something you want or need in your relationship, please call (562) 213-5318 or email to schedule an appointment.